I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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