And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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