So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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