she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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