I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
