Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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