all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
