Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
