So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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