some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
