Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Randomize
