I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
