The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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