Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
