You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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