We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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