Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
