Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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