im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
