I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
