So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
