Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
