My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize