she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
