If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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