So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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