The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's the barista slut.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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