Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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