I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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