as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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