plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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