Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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