I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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