He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize