OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
