WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
