I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
