sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
