I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Your cock deserves a montage
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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