Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
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