i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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