I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
