Acid is not a monday night drug
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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