Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
