last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
