Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I think i got beer on your cat.
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