So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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