Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
