I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
