i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
