I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
