I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
