I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
