can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
