so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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