so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
