I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
