Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
