They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize