No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
