do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize