i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
