did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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