If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
