watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The adults are the big ones right?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
