i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Semen is not good for contacts.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
