Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
