Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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