i think i have herpe
just one?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
