Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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