we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize