Plan B is the new Plan A
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
