He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
