even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Randomize
