Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
