Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize