My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
