somebody snuck up and got me drunk
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
