yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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